Wondering where i've been?
Hell,i could say?
Look at the post back 2weeks ago,how happily im jumping around with my friends.
Yet now,i just gotta stay at home for 2months.
Can you imagine 2months staying at home,and cant even move about on my own.
Wherever i wanna go, like pee bath or etc, i needa call my mum or sis.
24hours,there'll be someone at home looking after me.
No where i can go,afraid anytime the pain will come.

This was what happen last thursday.
Had my day planned nicely where to go and everything.
Morning to have my interview,and then noon will meet my dudes for the movie PUSH.
Was crossing the road along chijmes with my sis,on the way to the interview.
Was talking while walking,had a trip.
Swollen in less than 5min,thought i just sprained my feet,cabbed over to chinese sin seh.
Couldn't even walk properly,thought after few days will be better.
After 2days,back to sin seh for change of wound,
this time was a man who did my feet.
Fucking hella pain,that i cried and scream.
He even scolded me,and force me to walk.
After all the rubs and bandage then he ask me to go for an xray,might be a fracture.
Over to poly clinic,wheel-chaired.
After 2hours of waiting,the doctor say it's too late for an xray,refer me to TTSH.
Everyone was telling me i'm gonna be alright,asking me not to worry too much.
Just a cast and calcium tablets will be enough,promised me no drip wont be hospitalized.
After the xray,during consultation.

Doctor: There's a fractured in your daughter's 2nd toes. She have to be hospitalized and might have to go on an operation.
( I looked at my mum and started to cry,afraid of the drip and stuffs. My mum promised me that i wont be on drip,everyone telling me that i'll be alright,but now? Operation!?! My mum cried after seeing me in tears. )
And their conversation carries on while i keep crying.
Doctor promised that there wont be any pain on drip.

While i was on the bed,being pushed to the waiting area,mum wasnt with me.
All i could say was,i kept crying the whole night.
At night,the doctor came and told me that the operation is either tonight(saturday) or tml.
Ligament torn,2nd toes bone broke (which holds the weight of your leg), if i dont operate,i wont be able to walk forever.
Burst into tears,really afraid.
Yes it's just a small operation,but you dont know how much pain i'm suffering.
And i ever told my gf's that one day if i were to put on drip,i would rather end my life.
Now,it's not just on drip but an operation.
Xiaotong, her cousin and qin han came.
In my mind is all about my feet and nothing else.
Cried the whole night,till my mum had to hug me to sleep.
Say that im a crybaby,mummy's girl anything you name.

Next morning,which was sunday,once i open my eyes i saw a policemen infront of my bed.
Took statements and stuffs.
Next moment,5doctors came.
Told me,my op will be on monday. 2 screws will be put in my feet to join back the joints.
And half year later,i needa have another op to remove the screws.
After the op,i wont be able to walk for 6weeks.
And i cant afford to fall agn,if i were to fall agn,i wont be able to walk for the rest of my life already.
Totally break down,since day 1 i admitted to hosp,it's almost everyday that i'll cry.
At that moment really thought of ending my life.
My gf's knows about it,i know the pain that im suffering,my mum will feel 10 times more hurt.

Monday,they havent tell me what time is my op.
Went to bath,and suddenly one nurse came to me and say,change into this,you'll go for your operation now.
I was like now?!! Told my mum im really very scare.
Cry all the way till im being pushed into the waiting room.
I told myself,i cant disappoint my family and friends.
When i wake up,i can see all my friends,so quickly get over with the op,
and then after everything i can go out with my friends and everything.
After the op,once i open my eyes,was at the waiting room.
At the point of time my leg was fucking pain, painkillers was in no help.
Injected another kind of stronger painkiller.
Pain was under control.
Pushed back to my room,saw xiaotong my mum and sis.
Feeling very tired and nauseous.
No appetite at all,and kept vomiting.
Friends and relatives in and out everyday.

And was discharge on tuesday.
Worst nightmare in my life?
Every 3 days gonna change wound and next week take out the stitches.
Count,half a year later when is it.
It's my 18th birthday,all my plans are gone.
I'm celebrating my birthday in the hosp,how great is it isn't it?
I know after this 2months i would lost alot of friends.
Everyone is going out having fun and all,me?
Stay at home and rot,is real rot.
People will sure say,dont think so much la.
You imagine,by the time i've recover,everyone will be busy with school.
My life now is like shit.
No school no work,everything is gone.

After all,feeling touched with all my friends and of course my family.
Seeing my family taking care of me and everything.
Mum had to take leave just for me.
Hospital bills and those check-ups will be a bomb to her.
The screws itself cost,$200 plus.
Feeling so useless that at times i would flare my temper at them.
I know i've give them enough trouble,sometime i cant help but to think,
beside all these shits,what else did i help up in this family?
My sis and mum had to take turns to stay over night at the hosp,
cos they knew im scare being alone and couldnt sleep.

Friends,for being there when i needed them the most.
Thanks esther for the flowers and balloon!
Xiaotong,gf's know that i was afraid of being alone,while they had things on that afternoon,therefore asked xiaotong to wait till my operation was over.
I used to be the one visiting people at the hospital,this time was people coming to visit me.
The feeling when your friend comes to visit you was really great,but when they had to say goodbye,really felt so lonely.
Thanks for all the console and encouragements,everyone!
When things really happen you know who's your real friends are.
Sorry to some friends,for not noticing you guys about my operation.

After seeing this,wonder what's your reaction.
But doubt you'll see this until u're back from bangkok.
Sometimes i couldn't stop my temptation from asking you to fly back to town now.
I know i cant be that cruel,hence all i could do is to wait till the day u're back.
It's not a matter about love,it's u're the best one all along by my side every single time.
Yet now,when my life was upside down u're not here.
Maybe im too use rely to on u?